Yep, it's me again....

I wrote this a few weeks ago. Then, I could not remember my settings on this blog. Then I got busy at work. Then the week of Thanksgiving was here. Then it is count down to Christmas. Etc. Etc. Etc. And if you know me, really know me - then you know what happened was I got way too busy at work and let my life stop again. See, I have had this problem since Rebecca was diagnosed in August of 2011. It is not an excuse, it is how my life changed on that day. And I working on it. So, there will be more of that later but for now, I am going to share what I originally planned for my comeback, such as it is. I will become more frequent in my posts and they will go back to that 9 months that has changed me forever and they will also move to a glittery future and they will be in the present too. I hope you will come along!

I haven’t written anything is many, many months. I couldn’t find the “energy” to do it. A lot of time has passed and there have been some great things and some not so great things. And through it all, I would think – I should write. But I didn’t have the “energy”. My child, my precious Rebecca died on May 7, 2012 and things stopped. Nothing tasted the same, smelled the same, felt the same, nothing was the same.

I don’t know where the “energy” came from today or maybe I do. It is funny, the one thing that should have knocked me to my knees made me stand up straight. Without going into detail, I was disappointed once again. That it all seemed to be targeted at me but also saddened that someone I love was in despair. That is quandary I have trouble with; this “how did this end up in my lap when I did NOTHING wrong?”

I doubt I will ever find the real answer but I did have one really good attempt from a member of my family. I am a “fixer” and that is my problem. No matter what someone does to me or someone I love, then I gotta go fix it. And the reality is that some things cannot be fixed! They just can’t.

People have to fix themselves. We can’t fix them, they have to do the work. So I need to let it go and move on to where I can be useful. And now that I have written this, now that I have thought this whole “fixer” thing through, I got my energy back. This might not be pretty all the time and it probably won’t help anyone as much as it will help me – but here it comes! I hope you’ll jump on this ride with me. And eventually, I hope to catch you up and inspire you just a little along the way.